I finally got another chance to blog, something that I have been thinking about for weeks since my last post!  Since then, I have gotten a little more organized; I have been writing down Magnolia’s schedule on a calender tool that I found, cozi.com, and she has been a little more regular with her sleep schedule, but nothing definitive.  She takes a morning nap, afternoon nap, and a bunch of catnaps in between.  While she doesn’t go down for rest at the same time each day;  I am hoping that we can work toward that in the future so that I can have some predictable work time.
The calender tool that I found is called Cozi (www.cozi.com); it just so happens that it’s the same tool that Josh and I have been using for our grocery list for the past 6 months, and I decided to try to use it for everything else too.  While its not ideal for what I need, it is the best that I can find so far.  I am able to use the calender tool to write down Magnolia’s daily naps, feedings and other information; cozi also has a shopping list where I jot down groceries and other items that we need and it interfaces with Josh’s email so that he logs in and sees what is on the list and can add his own items.  The calender also has a  ”to do” list that we use for what needs to be done around the house and there is even a ‘meal list’ where you can save recipes that you enjoy.  The downfalls are that the recipes don’t show up as images, just links, and the calender doesn’t interface with other social media tools.  However, while its not perfect, its usable and that is what I am looking for right now.

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It’s been a long time since I posted here and I sure do miss blogging!  Magnolia is now 3 months old, she went from being this teeny little infant who only slept, ate and cried; who now interacts, smiles, plays and is much more entertaining.   Its amazing to watch her grow and change each day, but I am starting to feel a little frazzled with our daily routine, or lack of one.   Because we don’t have a routine, I think it makes it harder to get things done; for instance, I really miss blogging and I always have lots to say, but no time to write!  Maybe working toward a schedule will help me find time for blogging and keeping my posts shorter and more to the point will help me to be able to post weekly,  along with scheduling time to do other things during the day.  Right now, I struggle with trying to get my contract work in, have quality time with Magnolia, getting my craft on, social media networking, blogging and other daily chores like cooking and cleaning.  With all this to do each day, you can see how easy it is to become overwhelmed, plus being a new mom isn’t an easy task in and of itself.  My goal; to get into a routine that allows some flexibility but also specifies time for my crafts, networking, blogging, working and of course spending quality time with Magnolia.  I have always had visions of having an online calender like outlook, plotting my weekly routine and implelmenting it, even before having a baby this is what I wanted to do, but never accomplished doing.  However, I am going to make a real effort this time and hopefully it will pay off and I can change my day into a routine that works for both Magnolia and I.

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Magnolia Gwen

My Birth Story:

Sharing this birth story is very hard for me, because I have the birth story that no Mountain Midwifery Center (MMC) patient wants; I don’t know if anyone will even want to read it. Being an MMC client, a transfer to the hospital is a dirty word, it’s the last thing in the world you want, and it’s the worst thing possible; at least in my mind. But maybe sharing this will help me heal mentally because I don’t know how to stop grieving for the birth that I had always wanted. I know this is very long and if you get through this whole story, I thank you for reading it.  My story actually starts way back in the year 2000; I was in college and got very interested in midwifery when I was in my junior year. I took many midwifery classes and I knew that if I were to have children someday, I would not have them in a hospital setting. When Josh and I started trying to have a baby, I did some research to find a place to deliver outside of the hospital and came across the Mountain Midwifery Birth Center.

I read birth stories on their blog and loved them, the staff seemed great and the classes they required were exactly what I wanted to learn about during my pregnancy.  I knew we had found the right place to deliver our child. In Feb, 2011, we found out that we were pregnant and I scheduled our orientation at the birth center.
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Sometimes, I think about a blog post for weeks before writing, while other times, it practically writes itself. I think this is my way of releasing fear and apprehension about birthing, or at least giving that fear a voice; blogging helps me think through that fear.  Yesterday I hit a pregnancy milestone of being full term, 37 weeks pregnant, I have been waiting for this week to come because I know that the baby can come anytime now and we will be able to deliver at the birth center.  Even though my pregnancy could last 5 more weeks, being full term really puts the birth right in the forefront of my mind, we need to be ready to go at any moment.  I am a little nervous, but excited too, writing this helps me let go of one of my biggest fears, that my journey into motherhood doesn’t matter. Read the rest of this entry »

Pregnancy has been such a learning experience for me; it was something that I had been apprehensive of, even scared of to some extent and it has definitely challenged me in many ways.  Each trimester has brought a new set questions and revelations that challenged me mentally, physically and emotionally.
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One thing that I wanted to discuss in this blog is what I call The Name Game.   Deciding on a name for your child, deciding whether to tell people the names you are thinking of, or keep them secret; or taking it to the other end of the spectrum and choosing a name while baby is in utero then calling the baby that name until they are born and creating a personality around the name you have already chosen.   Somewhere in the middle of keeping names a secret, and deciding a name right away are those folks who wait until baby is born and you meet them before choosing a name that suits them.  I guess I will start by saying we are the former of those choices; I don’t know what I will choose to name this little one until I meet him or her, maybe she does look like those names I keep tossing around in my head, but maybe she/he does not?  So, I am going with the ‘roll with it’ philosophy and we will choose a name when we meet this little stranger.

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25 weeks pregnant

It’s been a long time long time without posting; and there are so many reasons for that.  I haven’t been so stressed about being pregnant, so the need for blog therapy hasn’t presented itself as much as it did earlier in my pregnancy, but mostly because Josh and I have been busy getting ready for this little baby!    If you had read this blog in the past  (I’ve been blogging since 2007) you’d know that we bought a house that had lots of fixing up to do.  We have built a basement, bathroom, bedroom, landscaped most of the yard, added a deck, patio, raised gardens, and now we are finishing things up by painting and adding new flooring to the upstairs.  We will also finish drywalling the laundry room, add slate tile to the dining room and kitchen and will get new carpet for the living room.   This is a lot of work in general, but now that I am in my third trimester its making it a lot harder for me to help with the house projects, even though we need all hands on deck to complete them.  On top of just getting ready for the baby and all the house projects; our foundation which we had repaired when we bought the house is still settling and we have to have more work done on it, which was not a problem before we drywalled the downstairs, but now that the project is complete and we have to tear holes into the drywall that we hung ourselves feels like a step backward and another project that needs to be completed before baby is here. I am worried it all won’t get done in time, but am trying not to stress about it.  Read the rest of this entry »

This is continued from my previous post from a few days ago about breastfeeding, and I wanted to share how I actually feel about nursing this baby myself, which is different than my opinion about nursing.   As I have said so many times in this blog, pregnancy is not what I expected at all, and I expect breastfeeding and childbirth will be the same way.  Just because I do think breastfeeding is best, doesn’t mean that it will work out for me the best, and I wasn’t saying that it would.  I don’t think having a positive opinion of nursing and wanting to nurse  myself means that it will go perfectly for me at all; but I can hope right?  Isn’t thinking positively about a difficult task the better way to approach it?   That attitude, combined with being stubborn (sometimes to a fault) has helped me accomplish some tasks in my life that I am very proud of, like running a marathon or hiking peaks over 14,000 feet.  So, I choose to adopt that same attitude about childbirth (our birth is planned for a birth center unless there is a medical reason that I cannot deliver there) and breastfeeding.  But I don’t think that necessarily means everything will work out that way, and if it doesn’t, then I will bend in the wind and change.  I don’t think giving my opinion about nursing means that I am judging other people for not nursing, its just what I think, and when people comment with their opinions it helps me to learn and think about situations differently.   Read the rest of this entry »

21 weeks pregnant, 5.25 months

It’s been a few weeks since I posted, and mostly it’s due to my annoyance with people taking the blog personally, but I’ve also been very busy trying to get the house ready for my parents visit (which has now come and gone) and of course for baby too.  But now I have some more time on my hands, and lots more thoughts in my head so I write on

To get it out in the open, right away, it annoys me that we are a society that doesn’t breastfeed as a common rule anymore.  Instead, nursing is scoffed upon by society, I have heard words like “gross, disgusting” and “I don’t want to have to see that in public;” women are requested to use the bathroom, of all places, to nurse.  Who wants to eat a meal while sitting on the toilet?  Not me, and not my child either!   Besides, how unsanitary is that?  Yet, we don’t provide places for nursing mothers to feed their children at most locations, and many people react negatively when seeing women in public nurse.  Over the years, I have heard nursing mothers share their unfortunate stories of people calling them “gross” or telling them to “go somewhere private.”  Even popular Victoria’s Secret, who openly allows nursing mothers to use their dressing rooms, had an incident where a female employee turned away a nursing mother wanting to use the privacy and comfort of their dressing rooms; this happened in 2005 and prompted a protest by nursing mothers to breastfeed at their local VS store.  (click here and here for articles on this subject).  Some of my friends at the time participated in the “Feed-In” protest, which I thought was awesome!   Read the rest of this entry »

Leg up in the air, tyring to reach feet in mouth already!

It might sound awful to some that I have finally hit the ‘acceptance’ phase of this pregnancy; the pregnancy that we planned, tried for over a year to get pregnant, and now at 19 weeks I am finally ‘accepting’ it.  But its true.

I guess its the same way that I had grief/mourning when I got married, accepting that I wasn’t able to fly free after getting hitched, but that I always had an attachment, my husband.  And while I wanted to get married, just like I wanted to have a child, it’s still a major life change and one that brings up fears and anticipation.    Josh and I have learned to become a pretty good team over the years and its a decision that I would make again in a heartbeat a million times over even though marriage is a lot of work.  Its worth it and we get better and better at it all the time. Read the rest of this entry »